Trash TV is nothing new, it's probably been around in some shape or form ever since the invention of broadcast. However one of earliest shows like this I've insomnia watched at least is good old Jerry Springer. This show has been around since the year before I was born and still graces American television sets today. It spawned a slew of other similar shows most famously Maury. You've probably watched it and it's pretty much always the same. Jerry Springer dives into the hellish depths of white trash and ghetto trailer park America and brings it too us. Tons of people have willingly confessed to affairs, sex change operations, and heinous racism of Jerry Springer for years. There is some debate about whether all these people are in fact real or paid actors but it seems that at least some of them are in fact real people. For instance back in 2000 a man who appeared on the show was actually sought out for killing his ex-wife. There probably is some validity to the paid actor claims but that guy almost certainly wasn't one of them, I mean homicide is bit much to ask of someone just for trash tv. While religious leaders and that yapping dog that is the Parents Television Council has been trying to cancel Jerry forever it's not gonna happen. We all know that this is abysmal television, yet there is something funny about watching an obvious transvestite having a cake thrown in their face after coming out to a gullible boyfriend they've been lying to for months. There is just something appealing about watching somebody else make an ass of themselves on TV. I personally feel that most of these people ought to know what their in for when they sign up for this type of thing, and I don't honestly feel that guilty about watching it occasionally. However there is only so much trailer park nutiness you can take before you just have to turn that damn thing off or risk becoming one of these degenerates.
Celebrity Rehab, Sex Rehab, Sober House, and every other sack of shit featuring the intolerable specimen that is Dr. Drew. While Jerry Springer and Maury are sort of funny to me these shows legitimately infuriate me. It might the obnoxious shit eating demeanor of said 'doctor' or that these shows actually claim to be helping people. Rehab, substance abuse, and mental illness are serious issues and having a camera crew up these people's asses while they're allegedly trying to get better is wildly inappropriate. Having a hack job Dr. Phil level psychiatrist tending to them is even worse. Add in the numerous drug related deaths of contestants on the show and it becomes completely unbearable. Besides you and I both know that the audience for this show doesn't actually care if these people get better or not they watch it for the delicious train wreck-y drama; the sordid confessions of washed up hasbeens and the juicy fights between housemates. There is funny and then there is just disgusting and to me Celebrity Rehab and it's siblings are the latter. Thankfully it seems other people agreed and these shows are now gone. There was talk of doing a reboot but Dr. Drew dropped that idea after the shitstorm of criticism he received after the suicide of Mindy McCready, the fifth person featured on the show to die. Now he lurks in the sewers of HLN where he has his own show. He also has gig for MTV hosting the reunion shows for "16 and Pregnant" and "Teen Mom". He sometimes appears as a guest for the equally exploitative 'victim's rights advocate' known as Nancy Grace and other HLN cronies. I'll talk about Nancy one day but not now. She's awful but not quite the same level.
Couple's Therapy and Marriage Boot Camp. In the same arena as the Dr. Drew shows are these marriage counseling shows they also claim to help and also rarely produce results. I don't particularly like these two either but unlike Celebrity Rehab I can accept their existence. There haven't been any deaths linked to them and most of couple's who show up were already doomed to failure long before.
Last season of Couple's Therapy got a bit more media buzz than usual because it featured notorious Teen Mom turned anal porn star, and terrifying example of bad plastic surgery, Farrah Abraham. Showing that this show is more about drama than couples or therapy Farrah appeared solo and despite rampant rumors (probably true) that she had spent the past year trying to hire a boyfriend to appear with her. For the few of you that don't know Farrah is one of the former stars of Teen Mom. She was never especially popular with viewers of the show though because of her spoiled brat personality and horribly irritating baby whine voice. She wrote a poorly edited book a few years back where she trashes her deceased baby daddy and basically everyone else whose supported her all these years. She's been desperately trying to stay in the limelight since Teen Mom was cancelled. Boy did she deliver though, Farrah's bizarre and irritating antics were to bread and butter of tabloid rags throughout the show's whole run. Since Farrah appeared solo the show focused mostly on her previous failed relationships and her rocky standing with her parents. Farrah amusing brought the ratings in by fighting with her cast mates and trying to sell the old tired story that her professionally shot porno was leaked, never mind that it also features a well know male pornstar as her anal lover. They even wanted to invite her fake boyfriend on the show, the one she attempted to hire, but wisely he declined.
She even outdid and old tabloid favorite, Jon Gosselin, who is famous for spawning eight children, selling their childhood to the camera, and then nastily divorcing his equally horrid wife. Jon tried his darndest though even having a pansy meltdown about how evil his ex-wife is all for the eager digestion of the VH1 cameras. Still despite his best efforts he barely garnered a mention.
Marriage Boot Camp is basically the same thing. I haven't watched it yet but the trailer for the upcoming season pretty much confirms my theory. It features a terrifying screechy woman from Braxton Family Values and Ryan and Trista aka the only couple to actually succeed from the Bachelor. I might tune in and write about but then again I might not bother.
Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant. These MTV shows follow the day-to-day lives of teenage parents and film it for our enjoyment. I already covered one episode of 16 and Pregnant and to be honest the others really aren't too much different from that one. The formula is generally the same a naive girl get's knocked up, fights with her baby daddy, and struggles to raise her spawn and go to school/get her GED. Every now and then to mix it up there will actually be a decent boyfriend featured or one of the girls will choose the give the child up for adoption. I can see where there might be some educational value in this show but all of that goes out the window with Teen Mom. For starters the show gives the cast a healthy paycheck taking away a good portion of the financial difficulties of being a teen parent. Later seasons of the show frequently featured one of the girls in the process of buying a nice house for themselves and their kid. While most adults have to wait until their late 20s or 30s to afford a house these girls are doing it at 18 and 20. There is also not much seen of actual parenting on this show you'll see the kids every now and again when MTV remembers this is supposed be a show about parenting but most of the time it's all about partying and fighting with the boyfriends.
Most annoyingly Teen Mom and Teen Mom 2 have made D-List celebrities out two despicable human beings: Farrah Abraham and Jenelle Evans. If you ever visit a tabloid site you will see these two abhorrent characters in between articles covering Justin Bieber's meltdown and Tori Amos' failing marriage.
I personally find Jenelle to be the slightly less horrid of the two but that's not saying much. Jenelle is famous for being a foul mouthed drug addict who actually lost custody of her son and has recently been mired legal problems resulting from her drug use and domestic violence with her equally terrible boyfriends. On the show she ignores her child in favor of her loser boyfriend of the moment and gets into sometimes violent scream fights with her mother, who is the legal guardian of her son at the moment. Jenelle is awful, but I think she has some excuses, besides struggling with drug use she suffers from bi-polar disorder and ever once in a million years she shows some sign of being an actual human being. Farrah has already been discussed above so we will move on.
VH1 Cesspit. What can be said? VH1 is the best place to find utter and complete garbage. I haven't really tuned in much lately but a few years back they had a bunch of really sleazy faux-celebrity dating shows: Reel Chance At Love, Double Shot of Love, Rock of Love, For the Love of Ray J etc. I'm sure there are probably a few current incarnations of these but like I said I haven't been watching. While looking for a video to put here I found this gem. The video can be found of YouTube but is shit quality to I just put up this screenshot instead. Delivering Jerry Springer-esque drama these shows were not at all about finding love. They were about a bunch of desperate ass women beating the hell out of each other. It's not really like the more successful challenge dating shows are actually about finding love but at least the Bachelor(ette) does a somewhat decent job of fooling gullible people into believing it. Though it seems like last season's bachelor didn't do such a good job of it. The sole purpose the VH1 versions was for a guy/girl to bang a whole bunch of attractive-ish people and hopefully not catch crabs in the process. We only watched it for the cat fights and hilarious broken English. This is the sort of thing VH1 lives off of though D-list music stars doing stupid and trashy things for the video. My favorite of these? I don't know it's a toss up between the douchebagger of Reel and Chance or the idiocy of Kim Kardashian's ex-fuckbuddy Ray J. I see it as idiots getting what they signed up for and don't see a major problem with it.
So that's about all I'm going to say about trash tv. We all know it's awful but some of us enjoy it anyways. In fact most people really don't care save for the overly religious and people who are concerned that their unsupervised children are watching it. What's your favorite sleazy reality show? Now watch the two of the Real Ex-Wives of Atlanta beat the shit out of each other.
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